Funny Valentine Poems

Funny Valentine Poem #1

The first of these funny Valentine poems is versatile. Take your choice of "handsome" or "lovely" to make this poem perfect for your special someone.

You're Handsome
(You're Lovely)
You’re handsome.
You're special.
I love you.
It’s true.
There’s no one
On earth
Just for me
Quite like you.

How else can
I say
I am yours;
You are mine?
The question is
Will you be
my
Valentine?

Poem and Art by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
All rights reserved.
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Funny Valentine Poem #2

A Valentine's Day poem by Denise Rodgers

Your Hand in Mine
Chocolate hearts are sweet,
That’s true.
But not as sweet
As me and you.

Roses are red
(or pink or white)
but not half as lovely
as you,
tonight.

Jewels are dazzling.
They sparkle and shine.
But nothing is sparkly
As your hand in mine.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Poem and Art by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
All rights reserved.
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Valentine's Day Poem #3

The next funny Valentine poem is a bit on the loopy side, but it might be just perfect for your special someone.

Your Smile
Your smile is as bright
As a spot light set high.
Your eyes have a sizzle
Like grease set to fry.
Your teeth are as white as
My clothes after bleach.
Your cheeks are as smooth as
A freshly plucked peach.
I say all these things just to
Make you feel fine,
Before I say, Valentine,
Will you be mine?

Poem by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
All rights reserved.
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Funny Valentines Poem #4

The next funny Valentine poem has an unhappy second stanza. (That's the part that makes it funny!) You could always use the first stanza (six lines) and add "Be my Valentine" for a perfectly happy funny Valentine's Day poem.

Will You Be My Valentine?
Will you be my Valentine
And say your heart will soon be mine?
And then we’ll walk, two hearts entwined
So glad together, such a find.
Like quick and sand, like bread and butter,
You make my heart feel all aflutter.

What’s that, you say you’d rather not!
I always knew you were a snot.
I would not take you on a bet.
You’re gross, you’re mean, you stink, and yet
Your face, your look that grins and mocks . . .
I’ll smack it with a candy box.

Funny Valentine Poem #5

The next (and last) funny Valentine poem on this page is intended to console you as you sit on the couch watching "Sleepless in Seattle," alone, on Valentine's Day, with a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's. (If this poem reflects your thoughts, that's probably the way that you prefer it.)

If You Love Me
If you love me,
(say it’s true),
I’ll need a box of
Sweets from you.
Some chocolate chunks,
Some luscious bites,
Two boxes, please,
If that’s all right,
Some long-stemmed roses,
Stored on ice,
Delivered fresh
Would be so nice.
And while we’re at it,
Oh, so grand,
Would be a lovely
Diamond band.
What’s that you say?
You have to work?
(I swear each man
is such a jerk!)