Funny Sonnet Poems

What are Funny Sonnet Poems? Simply put, a sonnet is a poem (funny or otherwise) made up of three quatrains (in iambic pentameter) followed by a concluding couplet. A quatrain is four lines of verse with an A-B-A-B rhyme scheme. A couplet is two rhyming lines in a poem. Iambic pentameter is a line of verse with five groups of syllables. Read below for more definition. 

Why do I like to write funny sonnet poems? I must admit that I've always thought that sonnet poems were just a tad archaic and boring. They were probably wonderful in their time, but the language is practically foreign. I usually have to look words up when I try to read them.

That is why I'd rather write some of my own funny sonnets. It's simple. You take the archaic form and make it your own. We'll start with my own instructional sonnet poem. It's a sonnet that explains how to write a sonnet. Pretty cool, if I may say so myself.

Funny Sonnet Poem #1:
How to Write a Sonnet

LEARNING TO WRITE A SONNET
The sonnet form is old and full of dust
And yet I want to learn to write one well.
To learn new forms and grow is quite a must,
But I will learn it quickly, I can tell.

And so I sit, today, with pen in hand,
Composing three new quatrains with a rhyme.
The rhythm flows like wind at my command.
The A-B-A-B form consumes my time.

But I’m not done until there’s fourteen lines.
One ending couplet, after three quatrains.
I’ve tried to write this new form several times.
The effort’s huge; I have to rack my brain.

But I persist, my fourteen lines now done.
I wrote my poem; my sonnet work is won.

Poem and Art by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
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Funny Sonnet Poems: Some Instructions...

If you'd like to know how to write a sonnet, however, you have to know what it is. A sonnet (funny or otherwise) is a poem made up of three quatrains (in iambic pentameter) followed by a concluding couplet.

Sound crazy? (Or unintelligible?) It's not. I will give a few definitions and then I invite you to try your hand at writing one of your own funny sonnet poems. Learning how to write funny sonnet poems is good clean fun -- and it costs virtually nothing!

I know what you're thinking... What the heck is a quatrain? Here are the definitions:

Quatrain
A quatrain is four lines of verse with this rhyme scheme: A-B-A-B, meaning that the first and third, and second and fourth lines rhyme.

Couplet
A couplet is two lines of verse that rhyme. To borrow from the example above, the lines would have an "A-A" rhyme scheme.

Iambic Pentameter
Now we're getting into some pretty heady stuff. Once you know this, you can go out and impress your friends! (If you have more than one.)

Let's start with "iambic". That refers to two syllables, one stressed, one not stressed. "Ba dum" would be an example of an iamb. The stress is on the "dum."

Pentameter simply means a line of verse with five groups of two syllables (for a total of ten). (The "penta" part means "five," as in the "Pentagon," which is a five-sided building housing the Department of Defense in Washington, D.C.)

So "iambic pentameter" would mean a line of verse consisting of five sets of syllable groups, all stressed and unstressed. Here is a naked example:
Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum, ba dum, ba dum.

Notice the ten syllables total. Notice the stresses (on the "dum").

Shakespeare's Not-So-Funny Sonnet Poem

Should we start with the real thing?
Why not! Here is an example of a bona fide Shakespearean Sonnet, written by none other than Shakespeare himself. If you want to learn how to write a sonnet, it's best to start with the master. The only thing that makes this sonnet funny is the kookie portrait I drew (check out the crazy picture of the bard, below). After you read one by the master, you can scroll on down and read some new and not-necessarily-improved sonnets.

If you read these poems with an eye to learning how to write sonnets yourself, so much the better! Click here for more examples of Shakespearean sonnets.

A Not-So Funny Sonnet Poem:
Shakespeare's Sonnet #18

SHAKESPEARE'S SONNET #18

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest,
Nor shall death brag thou wanderest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou growest.

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

by William Shakespeare
Art © Denise Rodgers

Funny Sonnet Poem #2
AFTER TURKEY DAY

Now that you've read a classic -- and had a bit of instruction -- it's fun to take that form and apply it to a contemporary creation. 

The next of the funny sonnet poems was inspired by my dog, Harley, who gorged himself silly after tearing open two bags of trash on the Friday morning after Thanksgiving. Normally, I feed him by 6:30 or 7:00 am. But this particular morning, I slept late.

My little cocker spaniel ate at least three nearly-complete pies (blueberry, pumpkin and mincemeat) and a bag of potato chips. (My husband throws out goodies. It's his form of self-discipline.)

Harley was overstuffed and woozy for two days. Here is the funny sonnet poem, written in honor of Harley's big day.

AFTER TURKEY DAY
After Turkey Day, the garbage bags sat;
My dog was tempted by the tasty sight.
He tore them open, gorged big, and grew fat,
But first he made a mess and caused some blight.

He ate some hot sauce and blueberry pies,
Then laid around and moaned out loud in pain.
I worried in my heart of his demise,
And tried to scrub the purple carpet stain.

He slowly came around and waddled slow,
His belly wide and nearly to the floor.
So sad to see my hungry doggy grow
So portly wide, he barely fit his door.

He survived, but still he is more than stout.
I’ve learned. Next time I’ll take the garbage out!

Poem and Art by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
All rights reserved.
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For my next funny sonnet poem, I decided to write about my dislike of Talk TV. (The truth is that I'm a big fan of HGTV, and that could be the subject of another funny sonnet poem.) But the title of this funny sonnet poem is "Talking Heads" and I enjoy the logical concluding couplet (scroll back up if you need a definition).

Funny Sonnet Poem #3: Talking Heads

TALKING HEADS
The talking heads make noise and hurt my brain.
And no one can be certain what they’ve said.
I turn the TV volume down, in pain,
And reach to plump the pillow on my bed.

Commercial time, I click, what do I see?
But other networks’ chatty pundits poised
To talk atop each other in a spree.
I feel assaulted, bothered, over “noised.” 

I click around each channel and I find
Only tiresome reruns I find boring.
I think perhaps that I might lose my mind.
Better yet, I must just start ignoring.

Tonight, perhaps, at bed time, I will look,
Instead, between the covers of a book.

Poem and Art by Denise Rodgers
Copyright©Denise Rodgers
All rights reserved.
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