Funny Wedding Poems

Why do I write funny wedding poems? It is my way of de-stressing the whole subject. What better way to deal with this than with humor? To be specific, with some funny poems. And good news, all the funny wedding poetry on this page is free! Read the poems. Share them - as long as they are for your own personal use and gift-giving. Please read our terms of use. 

Funny Wedding Poem #1

The first wedding poem is about the tuxedo, better known as the tux. Men have it so easy. Both my sons are married now, and as mother of the groom (twice), I had to find a gown, shoes, purse, and jewelry to match. Quite a project! The men in my life, however, had to merely unzip the package from the tuxedo rental shop, and voila! Presto - they were completely attired and handsome to boot. It's so unfair!

Please enjoy the funny wedding poetry below.

The Tux
Standing up will cost you bucks.
If you’re a guy, you rent a tux.
The suit , the tie, the vest, the shoes.
There’s nothing that you have to choose.
Unzip the pack, and you are there.
Your only choice? Your underwear!

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers
All Rights Reserved

Funny Wedding Poem #2

Like all weddings, my son's had its ups and down. Fortunately, they were not the exact "issues" presented in the following poem. I made them up, as well as the names, to protect the not-so-innocent.

The Wedding
Bridal gown is white and poofy.
Cousin-groomsman acts so goofy,
Sticks his finger in his nose,
Steps on sister Mary’s toes.
Grampa makes my Auntie cry.
No one knows the reason why.
Brother eats the un-cut cake,
Grabs a handful by mistake.
Gramma says the room’s too cold.
Auntie says the chicken’s old.
Uncle Charlie quaffs some ale.
Auntie says the rolls are stale.
Flowers add that special touch.
Uncle Charlie drinks too much.
Looking for a new romance
Asks a flowerpot to dance.
Even though it’s kind of sappy
Bride and groom both look so happy.
After all is said and done,
Weddings are such crazy fun!

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
All Rights Reserved

Funny Wedding Poem #3

Ah, the wedding cake! Truthfully, I don't eat sugar anymore. But the cake at our son's wedding was beautiful, and the perfect topic for the following poem.

The Wedding Cake
Welcome to my wedding cake
It’s white and round
And tiered and high,
Designed to make 
You gulp and sigh.
So rich with layers,
Creamy sweet.
So grab a fork and
Eat, eat, eat!

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
All Rights Reserved

Funny Wedding Poem #4

Perhaps I am not a normal woman, and that is why I write weird poetry for fun (or in this case, funny poems about weddings). The fact is that I don't understand the cost of wedding gowns. They are a fortune! However, I must admit that they are beautiful (and that most women don't agree with my viewpoint).

That said, the following funny wedding poem is my take on the wedding gown. (By the way, that's me back in 1976.)

The Wedding Gown
You put it on.
It costs so much
That even the deposit
Might very well
Exceed the cost
Of all clothes
In your closet.
It’s neutral white
To match all shades
Throughout the coming months.
But here’s the truth:
If all goes well
You’ll only wear it once.

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
All Rights Reserved

Funny Wedding Poem #5

The next funny poem is from my book, 
A Little Bit of Nonsense. This piece of funny wedding poetry is about a woman who has had a LOT of use out of her wedding gown.

Marrying Margaret
Margaret Merkser-Cooper-Roberts-
Langstrom-Berger-Glen-
Pearson-Smith-MacPherson-Dobb's
on husband number ten.
Merkser was a painter, who
fell off a trellis ladder,
Cooper, a psychologist,
who said it didn't matter.
Roberts, a designer, with
aristocratic flair,
Langsrom was a barber, who
cut all her bright red hair,
Berger, a podiatrist
so fond of lancing corns,
Glen, a simple gardener,
who worked with weeds and thorns.
Person was a druggist who
forever counted pills,
Smith, a young physician, who
fought flus and other ills.
Then there was MacPherson
who taught English at the school,
Dobb, a full-time hustler
who is fond of playing pool.
Margaret loves a wedding;
it's her next best thing to heaven.
Already she is searching for
one more to make eleven.

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers 
A Little Bit of Nonsense
All Rights Reserved
Art by Julie Martin

Funny Wedding Poem #6

This last poem is about the venerable bridal shower. Before the wedding, my son, now happily married, said that he'd really enjoy gifts of electronic entertainment equipment much more than any more "mixing bowls." My friend, amused, suggested that I write a poem about it. The result was the following funny wedding poem.

A Shower for the Groom
The groom is kind of restless as he hears the oohs and ahs.
The towels, sheets and mixing bowls are giving him the blahs.

It might be just a guy thing, but it seems a big mistake.
The gifts are not as useful as a shovel or a rake,

Or maybe a new powerdrill, best yet a new TV.
Instead there’s bags of girly stuff as far as he can see.

Unless he wants to change the world, it’s quite safe to assume
He’ll keep his bachelor party – there’s no shower for the groom!

by Denise Rodgers
Copyright© Denise Rodgers   iuy
All Rights Reserved

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